Aaron Haspel

Oct 082002

Dear Esteemed Colleague:

I must amplify your response to “Angry in Angola.” The tests you referred to on cloning are only half the story. At the same time, top secret testing of cryogenics was going on in a distant lab. The results shocked the scientific community. It seems that the subject lacks a certain enzyme that makes cryogenics possible. This has never been seen before or since, yet it is demonstrated daily at the bridge table, where, every time the subject picks up an icy cold hand, within seconds it melts away to the contract graveyard. I felt I must clear this up for you lest your good name be besmirched.

–Dr. J. Bozerello, Kingston, Jamaica

Dear Esteemed Colleague:

I, in turn, would like to offer my sincere gratitude for the amplification and the support. As you probably know, I am already under fire from the medical community for my study of the mind of the bridge expert, but I refuse to cave in to narrow-minded and ignorant prejudice. NASA may have slashed my funding, but when my latest report, a complete lexicon of the bridge expert, comes out…well, just remember that they laughed at Edison, they laughed at Fulton. A few examples:

unmakeable adj. Cold.
upside down count and attitude n. Random.
e-book n. Exactly like a real book, but misspelled, mispunctuated, ungrammatical, full of misinformation, and not on paper.
expert n. 1. A person who can type the word “expert” into his profile on OKBridge. 2. A person who can persuade at least one other person to pay him for playing. 3. A person who claims to be written about by a publication he claims never to read. 4. A person who has never won or placed highly in an important tournament of any kind.

The importance of this path-breaking research should be clear. Please give, and give generously, and don’t forget to use my Cayman Islands account.

Loser Ex Machina

Oct 072002

None Vul
MPs
Dealer: West
Lead: A

	sunday K 6 4 Q 6 4 3 2 6 5 Q 9 4
puzzi 3 A J 10 9 J 9 8 3 2 A K J		pinpin 10 8 5 2 7 5 A Q 10 7 10 6 5
	Maestro A Q J 9 7 K 8 K 4 8 7 3 2

West
1NT
Pass
3

Pass

North
Pass
Pass
3

Pass

East
Pass
Dbl
Dbl

South
2

Pass
Pass

Before today’s hand, the last in a session, Gee exhorts the partnership to wind things up “flamboyantly,” and they do not disappoint.

The auction is remarkable. I venture to suppose that West’s 1NT is not every expert’s choice, and venture further that East, for one, might disagree, judging from her double of Gee’s balancing 2S. West pulls to 3D (which makes four), but leaves in the second double after North makes a reasonable-looking spade raise.

West does his best to cooperate on defense as well, leading the CA, shifting to the HA, cashing the second high club, and continuing a second heart. East signals even on the hearts and odd on the clubs. Gee wins the second heart. At this point there are two ways to avoid a second diamond loser, and the diligent reader may wish to set himself an exercise before he continues: how can declarer go down? (For a hint, consult yesterday’s hand.)

Gee begins by playing three rounds of trump, ending in dummy. He now plays the HQ, which East ruffs with her last trump. Gee overruffs, and one chance to avoid the second diamond loser is lost. Yet this is mere prologue. He now leads to dummy’s CQ, and finds the brilliant play of leading another heart, discarding a diamond, and leaving the defense with the diamond ace for the setting trick. Gee’s idea of a “flamboyant” finish was probably a top, like making 3SX, say. But tops come every hand. To manufacture a loser out of thin air — this requires a master’s touch.

Winner on Winner

Oct 062002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 10

	fun1 J 3 2 10 7 2 10 2 Q J 9 3 2
barkun A 8 5 K 8 6 K 9 5 K 8 7 4		Maestro 9 7 6 A Q J 9 5 4 Q 7 A 5
	NezihG K Q 10 4 3 A J 8 6 4 3 10 6

West

Pass
4

North

2
Pass

East
1

Pass

South
Dbl
Pass
Pass

Today’s auction is bad, brief and without interest. South’s takeout double is dubious, and West’s pass, with trump support and an opening hand himself, is remarkable. After the strange start, however, E/W reaches the same heart game that was played at about 90% of the tables.

Those of you who can’t see how to go down in 4H are underestimating the power of the winner-on-winner play. Gee wins the club lead with the ace and draws trump in three rounds, ending in his hand, and plays a low diamond to the king, which holds. Declarer now has five tricks in, and still holds the spade ace, three good trump, and the top club.

It’s time to go to work. Gee begins to prepare the winner-on-winner by leading a second round of diamonds to the queen, which loses to South’s DA. South continues clubs, and here Gee makes his first extraordinary play by ducking in both hands. North wins the C9 and shifts to a spade, and Gee ducks again. South continues with the SK. Gee wins the SA, and completes the coup by leading a low club off the board, stranding his CK, and ruffing in hand. Two more rounds of trump fail to induce North or South to part with their spades, and Gee loses a spade at the end to go down one.

The astute reader may wonder why I call this a winner-on-winner play. It’s because Gee tosses his good club king on one of the trump winners, lifting the play into the expert class. Had he saved his CK until the end to throw on the spade loser it would have been a comparatively common winner-on-loser play — still unusual, but scarcely, at this level of play, worthy of note.

Oct 062002

Dear Doc Bobby,

Why is it that Gee attracts a hundred spectators when playing with and against left feet, while I play against Garozzo and attract less?

–H.E., North Milwaukee, WI

Dear Harmonizer,

Your everyday OKBridge spectator is a fickle mistress, regularly succumbing to instant gratification at the expense of long-term improvement. He’s always thinking, “I can watch Garozzo and learn stuff any time, but I might miss a stix and wheels classic if I leave Gerard’s table!”

Fortunately I have the answer, which is why I’m writing the column and you’re asking the questions. Gerard and Garozzo must form a partnership! Consider the advantages of a double-G pairing. The additional spectators are only the beginning. Gee’s expertise in exotic systems makes him the perfect partner to play Garozzo’s Blue Team Club. And since Garozzo is eligible to represent the United States in international competition, we Americans could just sit back and watch the world championships come rolling in. Shouldn’t this partnership to rival “Meckwell” have happened already? The mere thought of it makes me proud to be an American, even if I’m not licensed to practice here.

Toil and Trouble

Oct 052002

E/W Vul
MPs
Dealer: South
Lead: 3

	petit_g K 10 5 3 Q 9 6 4 Q 10 3 2 A
a-yummy J 4 10 7 3 J 7 5 4 K 9 8 5		Sauron A Q 9 6 2 A J 5 — Q J 10 6 4
	Maestro 8 7 K 8 2 A K 9 8 6 7 3 2

West

Pass
Pass
3
Pass
Pass

North

Pass
Pass
3
Dbl

East

1
Dbl
4
Pass

South
Pass
2

Pass
Pass
Pass

Gee noted in his incisive discussion of yesterday’s hand that he made a special point of correcting Mini-Gee’s lead of the spade deuce very mildly, “not wanting to look nasty towards [his partner].” And surely no one understands the importance of proper care and feeding of one’s partner better than Gee. As he sagely writes in Bridge Is a Conversation, “The Rule #1 of any partnership in bridge is: Never make your partner feel inadequate.”

Perhaps, then, it is a good time to watch Gee put Rule #1 into practice, with the same partner, the very next day.

Today’s auction is rather orthodox, at least until we get to the three-level or so. Quite a few players would open the North hand in third position with 11 points, good spots and four spades, but it’s borderline and I don’t fault a pass. A more serious error is to fail to show the four-card diamond support immediately. A raise to three diamonds might buy the hand; East would have to think twice about a reopening double that could force his side to play a seven-card fit at the three-level.

But at the table North passes, and E/W locate their club fit, and North bids 3D over West’s 3C, one round too late. East makes a fine competitive bid of 4C with his excellent offensive and mediocre defensive hand. This is passed around to North, who thinks, and thinks, and thinks some more, and finally doubles. Is the double a good call? North certainly had a better hand than he’d shown, but no, not really, not even at matchpoints. In a case like this Gee knows exactly what to do. First he pulls to 4D, despite the fact that he is effectively barred from the auction by North’s slow double. Then he lets his student have it:

G: efes… I am confiscating your double button forever
Spec #1: UI [“Unauthorized information.” —Ed.]
Spec #2: coffeehousing back in popularity?
G: in fact
G: undo please
G: I am gonna pass
Spec #1: lol
G: so he sees what happens
Spec #3: oyyyyyyy
Spec #2: oh geez
Spec #1: ah, drawn and quartered

Well, here we are in 4CX. West ruffs the diamond lead in dummy and leads trump. Mini-Gee takes the ace and shifts to a spade, ducked in dummy and won with declarer’s SJ. At this point declarer makes four easily by repeating the spade finesse, ruffing a spade and drawing trump. West decides instead to ruff another diamond first. Then she plays a second round of trump, leaving Gee with one outstanding as Mini-Gee signals hearts by discarding the 9. Now declarer repeats the spade finesse, which holds.

Declarer continues with a low spade. Gee ruffs, giving away the overtrick and ensuring the stone bottom, to make sure his partner really learns his lesson this time. After the hand they have a few more words, for repetition is the essence of pedagogy:

G: that’s what you wanted, efes?
Spec #2: which was worse? making that coffee housing comment or g undoing his bid to ‘teach his student a lesson?’
Spec #1: neither
Spec #4: petulant
Spec #1: embarrassing efes
G: efes…. you are not to double for the next 3 months
petit_g: your hand bids 4 d
petit_g: not funny at all
G: no, I agree, it is not funny… but you promised to be careful with your doubles, but you keep going
petit_g: my double was correct
Spec #2: humiliation the key to learning?
G: I dont know how to stop you from doing that
G: huh?
petit_g: i had 11 points… single club ace
G: so what, you already told me about your 11 points [Um, when was that exactly? —Ed.]
Spec #5: this from a man who the last time I played w/him threw away the setting trick in a doubled contract
petit_g: last hand for me… ty all… good nite. … good nite G

Roman in the Gloamin’

Oct 042002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 2

	petit_g J 10 8 2 A 10 8 2 Q 6 9 7 6
obali 9 4 K Q 7 3 K J 5 4 K 4 3		pete Q 5 J A 9 7 2 A Q J 8 5 2
	Maestro A K 7 6 3 9 6 5 4 10 8 3 10

West

1
3NT

North

Pass
Pass

East
1

Pass

South
Pass
Pass
Pass

One of Gee’s countless innovations in bidding and play is Roman leads, his refinement and extension of Roman discards. I can do no better than to quote his definitive treatment of the subject:

At the first occurrence of play in a suit,
a) Lead of the Ace asks partner for a count in the suit (Standard or Upside Down as agreed by partnership…)
b) Lead of any other honor shows presence of at least 1 more honor in the suit and asks partner to play according to Roman carding or discard as the case may be. I recommend highest of touching honors.
a) Lead of an odd card encourages partner to return in the suit being led. It tends to show at least an honor in the suit being played.
b) Lead of an even discard discourages partner to return in the suit being led. It tends to show lack of honor in that suit. A relatively high even card suggests a shift to a higher-ranking suit other than the trump suit. A relatively low even card suggests a shift to a lower-ranking suit other than the trump suit.

Got all that? (The two-letter alphabet is in the original.) Now let’s watch Roman leads in action.

E/W can make ten tricks in clubs but have no legitimate game. West takes a flyer at 3NT after East rebids his club suit, and indeed 3NT would make on a low heart lead. North, to his credit, chooses a spade instead, but playing Roman leads, which one?

The deuce discourages, denies — “tends to show lack of,” as Gee elegantly phrases it — an honor, and asks for a diamond. (Presumably clubs are out.) The eight or ten discourages, denies an honor, and asks for a heart. The jack shows a second honor, although it’s not entirely clear to me which one. Not the queen, certainly, since you’re supposed to lead highest of touching. The ace? The king?

Mini-Gee finally selects the deuce, which asks for the wrong suit in return — not that there’s a right one — and blocks the suit into the bargain. Declarer ducks in dummy (I would fly the queen and hope), and Gee wins the SK. Let’s pause and think the hand out along with him. We can see seven tricks in dummy. West has shown a balanced near-opener, and any possible diamond finesse is on, so there must be at least eight tricks in the minors, if not nine. Everything indicates that the defense needs to cash out. The question is, which major? You can continue the one your partner has led (admittedly with a discouraging card), in which you hold AKxxx, or shift to the one declarer has bid, and your partner has not signaled for, in which you hold 9xxx.

The choice is clear. Gee shifts to the H6. Declarer plays low, and North wins the HA. To some defenders this might indicate that declarer has another heart honor or two. North’s subsequent return of the S8 — a not very informative spot, but still, it is a spade — might even confirm it.

Gee wins the SK and shifts back to a heart.

It may be some time yet before the pupil surpasses the master.

Bergen, Hardy, Cohen

Oct 032002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: Q

	salcee K Q J 4 3 2 A K 4 A Q A 3
cindym 10 9 8 7 10 9 6 3 3 Q 6 5 2		gosia A 6 Q J 8 5 K 9 8 5 2 J 10
	Maestro 5 7 2 J 10 7 6 4 K 9 8 7 4

West

Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

North

2
3
6

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

South
Pass
3

Pass

What does it take to respond positively to a forcing 2C opener? Let’s hear from three distinguished experts on the subject. First, Max Hardy: “When responder has a good suit, the immediate showing of it may allow opener to evaluate fitting cards and determine trick taking potential. Responder will show a suit if it is at least five cards long and contains two of the top three honors by bidding it directly in response to the two club opening bid.”

OK. Now Marty Bergen: “How much strength is needed for a positive response [to 2C]? The general standard is roughly 1 1/2 quick tricks or 8+ HCP.” He goes on to say you bid a suit at the two- or three-level “with a decent suit and a decent hand.”

Finally, Gerard Cohen: “For the other team, altogether, the minimum for the opposing team has a point spread of 19 to 40 minus whatever each opponent counts in his own hand. I’ll let you figure the mathematics of it.”

That last quote may have nothing to do with responding to a 2C opener, but then again it may. In any case, we can get some idea of what Gee thinks he needs from today’s hand. Apparently a four-count with two junky five-card minors suffices.

North, alas, appears to be closer to the Bergen-Hardy school. He rebids 3S and jumps to the spade slam when Gee follows up 3D with a forcing bid in a new suit. 6S rolls home if spades break 3-3, hearts are 5-3 or better and the DK is onside, provided trump are not led. Unluckily, this is not the layout, although East manages to hold the defense to down 1 by winning the SA and leading into declarer’s diamond tenace.

North and South’s bad fortune is our good, as Gee is dummy, giving him plenty of time to discuss bidding theory with the specs.

Spec #1: gerard what was 3d pls?
G: positive response, 5+ diamonds
Spec #2: G, they dont understand 3d… i dont get it, 3d is automatic guys
Spec #2: it shows 5 diamonds and a game force since 2d would be waiting, duh
Spec #3: with respect i think 2d waiting was better
Spec #4: yep 2d was the bid
G (to Spec #3): no, I do not have a 2d bid there
Spec #1 (to Spec #2): are you hopped up on somethin?
S Spec #2: naa, he had to show 5 diamonds, he has a 3D bid
S Spec #5: lol
Spec #3: ok what do you bid with bad hands?
Spec #5: Spec #2 heading the G fan club

As Gee leaves spec the recriminations fly.

Spec #2: oh btw specs, i was being sarcastic
Spec #1: spec #2 is the chief bosun and bser lol
Spec #2: i like to humor G
Spec #3 (to Spec #2): so what does g bid with poor hands like that?
Spec #6: 1 more story for aaron
Spec #7: no, you were kissin up
Spec #5: Spec #2 doing his best not to get booted from G spec land
Spec #2: you dont understand my “special” relationship with G
Spec #8: Spec #2 was trying not to commit pamicide*
Spec #2: i am his #1 fan :)
G (playing now, but still calling up from the table): but I did not make a reverse after 3D… would have been better 4S and hope I would continue
Spec #1 (to Spec #2): dont you see you’re creating a monster?
Spec #7: ah he failed to reverse… that explains it:>
Spec #6: reverse after 2c opening? New word in theory

*Named for pama, who mentioned the Bones Principle while Gee was in spec and thus assured herself of a spot on the honor roll.

Oct 022002

Could someone help me with a little research project? Apparently Gerard has been featured in several past issues of Bridge World:

Spec #1: try and get into challenge the champs, I think you could
Spec #1: you read The Bridge World?
G: no, I dont… why?
Spec #1: oh, there is a bidding series called challenge the champs
Spec #1: an expert pair bids hard hands I think you could get in easily, I will recommend you to Kokish if you want
Spec #2: a score of 20 would be remarkable
G: 20 what?
Spec #3: 20 points
Spec #2: Have you ever read The Bridge World G?
G: no, but I know they wrote about [me] several times in the last 10 years
Spec #1: they wrote about you G?
Spec #1: what issue is that, i have all the back issues from 1990-2002 and also all of 1986
G: yes, several times
Spec #1: maybe i could find the articles about you, know which month/year it is?
G: I dont know, specially since I dont read it
Spec #1: oh ic
G: and it was more than once
Spec #4: there is an index on the web with every name that has been mentioned we can look them up
Spec #1: G, was it an article by victor mollo? there is someone called timothy the toucan who he wrote about sometimes, maybe it was you in disguise?
G: I dunno, justin
Spec #1: oh might be
G: I was not interested at the time
Spec #3: timothy the toucan is pretty good
Spec #3: i cant find the index on the bridge world website
G: I had a carrrier [sic] that had nothing to do with bridge….it is only in the last 2 years or so that I switched to bridge as an activity because I can’t work my ex-profession anymore for health reasons
Spec #3: what your ex-profession
G: computer software development for the movie industry

Gee modestly disclaims all interest in his Bridge World mentions. Still, I’d certainly like to link to them or provide issue dates at the very least. The trouble is, as Spec #3 points out, the Bridge World web index doesn’t exist. Please, someone help.

Gladly Learn, and Gladly Teach

Oct 022002

N/S Vul
MPs
Dealer: East
Lead: A

	petit_g J 10 8 4 2 9 7 6 2 10 6 5 3
a-yummy A 5 10 8 5 A 5 3 A 10 9 6 4		kash K 9 7 6 3 A 4 8 7 2 J 8 2
	Maestro Q K Q J 3 K Q J 9 4 K Q 7

West

Pass
Pass

North

East
Pass
Pass

South
1

Pass

Too often the pupil lets the teacher down, as in today’s hand, where Gee was doubtless disappointed to have to pass his meaty hand when his partner and protégé, Mini-Gee, showed a weak hand and length in his shortest suit. The opponents, on the other hand, East in particular, were delighted to defend 2S and happily passed it out.

Note the importance of not making a Bones Double here, contrary to the assertions of some specs below. First, it is Mini-Gee, not Gee, who will declare, so the double would be, if anything, a mini-Bones. Second, this is matchpoints, and +500 doesn’t figure to be that much better than +200. Third, and most important, a double gives N/S a chance to run to hearts, and although 3H is down 1 on perfect defense (three rounds of spades to start, and then a fourth round when East takes the trump ace, promoting a trump trick for West), it very likely makes at the table.

One hates to result, but if Mini-Gee passes, East likely balances with 1S, making it easy for N/S to find their heart fit. Or possibly East passes out 1D, which makes 2 or 3, for a plus either way.

The specs eagerly solicited Gee’s opinion of his protégé — if that is the word — bidding a weak jump shift with a 5-4-2-2 one count. As Gee informs them, in bidding judgment the pupil is every bit the teacher’s equal:

Spec #1: did G teach mini-gee to bid 2S with that hand?
Spec #2: i think very highly of 2s here
Spec #3: show the value of his pass
Spec #4: we need a bones double now
Spec #5: thought wjs showed 6 cards
Spec #6: c’mon, CRACK IT
Spec #1: for STCP’s maybe
Spec #7: especially at this vul
Spec #8: wjs always 6
Spec #9: whats wrong with pass?
Spec #10 (to Spec #2): beautiful bid, huh?
Spec #2 (unruffled): yes i think so
Spec #8: G do you play wjs with 5?
Spec #9: this might not make
G: usually not, but in a case like that… what choice does he have?
Spec #9: pass?
Spec #2 (placidly): no choice
Spec #12: cudnt he pass 1d?
Spec #13: pass jumps out at me
G: pass not good
Spec #8: dunno i would pass lol
Spec #5: Pass!!!
Spec #1: what choice? is pass out of fashion?
Spec #9: why not?
G: i might have 3 D’s only and even with 4 there are more chances to play with 7 spades
Spec #2 (impervious): think 2s a truly heartwarming call myself
Spec #6: absolutely
Spec #5: Great bid — worth 8%
Spec #4: 2 spades is hopeless
Spec #10: catastrophic insanity
Spec #11: but as G so adroitly pointed out, what else could he do?

Gee’s legendary loyalty to and support of his partner have often been noted in the Chronicles and I would be remiss if I failed to point it out, as here, when it is actually in evidence.

Oct 022002

Dear Dr. Robert:

Why has shotgun not taken his rightful place as Gee’s main partner? Could it be he is afraid of being the captain?

–Curious in Cyberspace

Dear CC Rider,

Not at all! In fact your question can be answered with a letter I recently received. It was slid under my door in a blank envelope, and written by piecing together magazine clippings, so I can vouch for its authenticity.

Dear Dr. Robert, A recent poll indicated that I am the people’s choice to be Gee’s partner. I was wondering whether I could have myself cloned for bridge purposes to be available for Gee at all times. I was also wondering whether I could be frozen now so that I would be available at a future date to be able to partner my idol Gee when he is an even better model player. I believe I can serve him and the world better by waiting ten or more years since my life expectancy may not be as long as his. If your cloning procedures are already perfect, perhaps I can be cloned and then frozen. Then I could play now, and be available for Gee if my life terminates before his. Could you make this dream happen for me?

Yours faithfully,
s.g., Tampa, FL

I trust this clears up the matter.

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