The Gee Chronicles

Oct 082002

Dear Esteemed Colleague:

I must amplify your response to “Angry in Angola.” The tests you referred to on cloning are only half the story. At the same time, top secret testing of cryogenics was going on in a distant lab. The results shocked the scientific community. It seems that the subject lacks a certain enzyme that makes cryogenics possible. This has never been seen before or since, yet it is demonstrated daily at the bridge table, where, every time the subject picks up an icy cold hand, within seconds it melts away to the contract graveyard. I felt I must clear this up for you lest your good name be besmirched.

–Dr. J. Bozerello, Kingston, Jamaica

Dear Esteemed Colleague:

I, in turn, would like to offer my sincere gratitude for the amplification and the support. As you probably know, I am already under fire from the medical community for my study of the mind of the bridge expert, but I refuse to cave in to narrow-minded and ignorant prejudice. NASA may have slashed my funding, but when my latest report, a complete lexicon of the bridge expert, comes out…well, just remember that they laughed at Edison, they laughed at Fulton. A few examples:

unmakeable adj. Cold.
upside down count and attitude n. Random.
e-book n. Exactly like a real book, but misspelled, mispunctuated, ungrammatical, full of misinformation, and not on paper.
expert n. 1. A person who can type the word “expert” into his profile on OKBridge. 2. A person who can persuade at least one other person to pay him for playing. 3. A person who claims to be written about by a publication he claims never to read. 4. A person who has never won or placed highly in an important tournament of any kind.

The importance of this path-breaking research should be clear. Please give, and give generously, and don’t forget to use my Cayman Islands account.

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