Declaring

Mothership Connection

Sep 132002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 4

	shark621 J 9 9 7 Q 10 7 6 3 10 7 6 5
mmbridge A 10 8 2 Q 6 K 5 4 Q J 8 2		bingo12 K 4 A K J 10 A J 9 8 K 9 3
	Maestro Q 7 6 5 3 8 5 4 3 2 2 A 4

West
1

Pass
Pass
Pass

North
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

East
1

Dbl
Dbl

South
2NT
3

Pass

After West’s normal 1C opener, East, holding a balanced 18, exactly the sort of hand on which 6NT usually fails to make against a minimum opener, temporizes with 1D. Gee, carefully noting his suit quality and one cashing trick, steps in with an unusual, a very unusual, 2NT. The vulnerability is favorable, and his partner, a passed hand, can be expected to hold zero defensive tricks, making the opponents cold for slam.

Remarkably enough, North actually does hold zero defensive tricks, and 6NT, although it is a distinct underdog, requiring six minor suit tricks, comes in on careful play.

Silly, stubborn E/W elect to defend instead. West passes his minimum, and poor North, with no major suit preference, or so he thinks, passes 2NT and hopes for something from East besides a double.

No dice of course. East, with his marginal slam hand, doubles for the certain profit, and Gee pulls to 3H. North can save 300, in theory, by taking a spade preference but in practice he has no bid.

West leads a low diamond against 3HX. The D8 holds, and East plays two rounds of trump and another diamond. Gee ruffs and tries a spade. East wins, pulls trump, and knocks out the CA, which is declarer’s last trick. Down 7.

“Even 1400 would have been good,” cries Gee. And of course he is right. Against the 30% 6NT, assuming E/W bid and make it, 1400 saves 40 points. If only, if only partner had corrected to 3S.

Question to Discuss
1. On this sort of hand, how many IMPs would you expect -1400 to cost? How about -1440?

Read This Fast

Sep 112002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: Q

	ada_1 Q J 7 4 Q 10 3 7 6 3 K 10 3
acemi_ce A 9 3 2 K J 4 4 A Q J 7 6		Maestro 10 6 5 A 9 7 A K 5 2 9 4 2
	moon K 8 8 6 5 2 Q J 10 9 8 8 5

West
1

3NT

North
Pass
Pass

East
2NT
Pass

South
Pass
Pass

Richard Posner once remarked that the best way to read the French deconstructionists, like Derrida and Lacan, is as quickly as possible, because then “they almost make sense.” I recommend the same procedure with today’s hand. I should note, before we begin, that this hand was played non-competitively. This will feature prominently later on.

Gee winds up in an eminently reasonable notrump game after a standard auction, and receives the obvious lead of the DQ. Gee wins DK and leads a club, finessing the jack. South plays C8 and North ducks, correctly.

Our hero crosses to his hand with the HA and leads the C9, South playing the 5. He lets the 9 run, which wins four club tricks against any possible layout. Time to claim.

North wins the C10 and returns a diamond. Gee wins the DK — no need to duck with nine tricks in the bag — and promptly takes the heart finesse. North wins and returns his last diamond, allowing South to cash three diamond tricks for down 1.

“Not sure,” says Gee, “that I would play that way in competition.” His partner doesn’t answer. He must have been too busy picking his jaw up off the floor.

Absolute Zero

Sep 092002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: North
Lead: 3

	nspi 9 7 5 A K J 4 2 K 7 2 6 4
tiger A 6 3 2 Q 9 3 10 6 4 J 8 3		vcaracci K 4 10 7 Q J 9 3 A 10 9 5 2
	Maestro Q J 10 8 8 6 5 A 8 5 K Q 7

West

Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

North
Pass
1

3NT

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

South
1

2NT
Pass

An absolute zero — a play that always fails, on any distribution — is surprisingly difficult to achieve. Even a master often manages, if only accidentally, to find a line that wins some of the time.

Gee, South, reaches a thin notrump game after a rather ambitious fourth suit forcing bid and notrump raise by North. A diamond lead turns out to be best for the defense, and is a decent choice given the artificial 2D bid, but West chooses H3.

Two tricks at most are available in either black suit, and with a diamond shift obviously forthcoming declarer won’t have time to play on both. Since spades are certain to set up for two tricks they seem the obvious choice. It follows, of course that the entire heart suit has to come in. Declarer is down if the H3 is from four or a stiff; he must decide whether Qxx is more likely than either 10xx or 9xx and play accordingly.

The actual play goes, at first, according to plan. Gee wins the HA, postponing the heart decision (East drops the H7), and plays a spade. East flies the SK and shifts, as expected, to a diamond. Gee wins on board, West playing D4, and leads another spade. It does West no good to duck; he wins the SA and leads D10, which East allows to ride to Gee’s DA. (Ducking doesn’t help declarer either. Diamonds clearly break 4-3, or East would overtake the D10, but a heart loser would still be at least five tricks for the defense.)

It looks like time to guess hearts. No, Gee leads the king of clubs. Naturally the defense wins the CA and cashes two diamond tricks for down 1. When I first read this hand I was sure this was an absolute zero, but I was wrong. If West started with 10x in diamonds and the CA, and East erred by failing to overtake the D10 with QJ9xx, and Gee guesses the hearts correctly, he can still make. So you see, absolute zero is nearly as difficult to achieve at the bridge table as it is in nature. You just have to keep at it.

Defuct* Again, Naturally

Sep 052002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: K

	cmewang Q J 10 5 10 8 4 3 10 8 6 4 7
suziew 6 4 A K J 7 5 2 9 5 3 Q 9		scott-1 8 2 Q 9 6 K Q J J 10 8 5 4
	Maestro A K 9 7 3 — A 7 2 A K 6 3 2

West
2

Pass

North
Pass
Pass
Pass

East
2

Pass
Pass

South
3

Gerard obviously believed that since the opponents had a “fit” in spades that he and his partner must therefore have a “fit” in clubs. Given the “texture” of his club suit, he knows this suit is worthy of another mention at the 4-level, which I confess I would not have recognized myself.

The hand will make 2H by e/w for -110, so this was not a complete zero action by G. Of course N/S also take 11 tricks in spades. Isn’t it just Gee’s luck to have a partner who offers him no help whatsoever for his bid? Defuct again, naturally.

If they were to defend 3S, however, Gee would undoubtedly lead CA, followed by CK, on which pard will discard a red card. Gee will most likely play another club hoping his partner’s suspected stiff spade can beat the 6-4 on dummy. At least I’m sure that an Expert™ will follow this thought process. Partner shows with the ten! Terrific, all this Expert™ thought is paying off.

They have now scored two clubs, and S10; three tricks to the defense and Gee still sitting with AK9xx spades, and DA. North may not lead a heart because he may not yet ‘get’ the psyche. So he’ll return a diamond to Gee’s ace. Gee may now not believe his pard could have another spade, and so let’s say he returns another diamond. All follow. What does declarer do now? Maybe a heart. Gee will ruff with the three, and probably play another diamond won by declarer in his hand. Declarer now has two tricks, the K and Q of diamonds. Two down, seven to go, I’m worn out already. Let’s say East now tries a spade. Gee will probably make the Expert™ play of the 7, to be sure that the dummy doesn’t win the 6.

Will his partner let it hold? If so, this could really get wild! Long story short, declarer is entitled to exactly two tricks in 3S, down only 7. Not being an Expert™ , however, I am not able to divine why going down in 4C is preferable to defending with this moose.

+350 loses only a few imps since most will be in non-vulnerable 4S making 450. But then, this is a far more interesting story, isn’t it?

*Our hero used this term in spec chat one night. Best guess is that he meant “defunct,” but that wouldn’t have made any sense in the context either. I remain baffled. —Ed.

The Unluckiest Man in the World

Sep 042002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: South
Lead: A

	meer 8 7 4 2 K 7 4 Q J 9 K 10 6
fifee J 5 A J 9 8 5 3 8 4 9 7 2		jimm Q 10 3 10 6 10 7 6 5 3 A J 3
	Maestro A K 9 6 Q 2 A K 2 Q 8 5 4

West

2
Pass

North

Dbl
Pass

East

Pass
Pass

South
1

Gee sits South and winds up declaring 4S after an ordinary but revealing auction. West’s 2H call probably shows six hearts and denies the CA.

She opens the HA, hoping for a ruff, and continues with a small heart to Gee’s queen, East signaling low-high for even count. Gee plays off the two top trumps, both defenders following.

Now the hand is almost cold. Play the three top diamonds, ending in dummy (noting how many times the defenders follow), and then the last top heart, discarding a club. If East ruffs in he is endplayed. If nobody ruffs in, lead a trump. If East wins, endplayed again. If West wins, then declarer’s play depends on the diamond count. If West followed to all three diamonds then her hand is 3-6-3-1 or 3-6-4-0, and she either gives up a ruff-sluff or leads her stiff club, on which declarer plays the CK from dummy, endplaying East, who can neither win nor duck.

If West ruffs in early on the diamonds and returns a heart, then you have a full count on the hand and play the clubs accordingly, going down only if the short club hand also holds CJ, or, conceivably, if AJx is with East and West’s original distribution was 3-6-1-3. All in all, about 90% to make.

There are, however, other lines. Our hero played a third round of trump immediately. West won and returned a harmless diamond, and the club finesse lost. Down 1.

“Never met anybody with less luck,” wails Gee. (I should note that this was a team game, and Gee won 3 IMPs because the other table went down 2 in 4S. I don’t know what the play was, but I’m taking a wild guess that the HA wasn’t led.) Call me sentimental, but I’m touched.

Suit Preference vs. Godzilla

Sep 032002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 4

	jkb 7 6 5 2 K 6 A 7 K Q 9 4 3
fpriolo A J 10 A 10 9 5 2 Q J 3 2 5		Maestro Q Q 7 4 K 8 6 5 4 A J 10 2
	unicom K 9 8 4 3 J 8 3 10 9 8 7 6

West

1
3
5

North

Dbl
Pass
Pass

East
1

Pass

South
Pass
2

Pass
Pass

In the play it is often wise to postpone a crucial decision, like which way to take a finesse, for as long as possible. Sometimes you can gather information to aid the play; sometimes you can induce the opponents to lead the suit and never have to make the decision at all. In the same way, in the bidding, the expert will often postpone the painful necessity of supporting partner’s suit. Sometimes, as in today’s hand, if he postpones it long enough he can avoid it altogether.

Gee, as East, opens a hideous 12 points first seat, which I suppose is standard these days. West bids 1H with his far better 12, and North doubles for the unbid suits. Our hero has several choices. If E/W are playing support doubles then a redouble is called for (though not, perhaps, if they are playing the Cohen treatment). If not, the green card shows what he has — a stone-minimum hand with a heart tolerance. After due consideration Gee makes the expert move: he denies any interest whatever in hearts by rebidding 2C.

West’s cue over South’s 2S shows a strong hand, a spade stopper, and a willingness to play 3NT. Gee’s stiff SQ could well come in handy, and does, in 3NT. With his semi-balanced hand that’s one possible bid. 4H is another, but less appetizing after his 2C rebid, as it could land partner in a Moysian. Then there is 4C, his actual choice, which shows 5-5 or more in the minors and no tolerance for hearts. OK, maybe it’s a small exaggeration, but at least he didn’t have to support his partner’s suit.

West jumps to game in diamonds. 4H and 3NT are better, but still, no harm, no foul. The trump suit behaves and hearts come in with one loser whether you lead to the queen or take the double finesse. Making 5, or so it appears. Yet it is possible, in actual play, to go down 2. Can you see how? Take a good look, I’ll wait.

Give up? Here’s the winning line. You play the SA at trick 1, cross to the CA and ruff a club. Ruff a spade and ruff another club. Ruff the last spade and the last club. Now lead the heart ace and another heart. North wins the HK, pulls dummy’s last trump by cashing DA, and leads the CQ, promoting South’s D10. Declarer, reduced to K8 in trump, ruffs with the 8. South overruffs with the 10 and leads SK, tapping declarer, who proceeds to lose a fourth and final trick to North’s last trump.

Why Does He Always Know Better?

Aug 312002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: North
Lead: A

	justinl 7 5 A K 9 8 A 10 7 6 5 2 —
barbh 9 8 6 4 3 2 5 3 8 3 A 9 6		fireant K Q J 7 4 2 K Q J 10 8 5 2
	Maestro A 10 Q J 10 6 Q J 9 K 7 4 3

West

Pass
Pass
Pass

North
1

East
Pass
Pass
Pass

South
1

Pass

I’m in a good mood today. I’m going to publish a successful hand. (Courtesy, again, of the indefatigable Alexander Ananin.)

Our hero is South, partnered again by Seaman Lall. The auction has certain points of interest. Justin’s 3S “splinter” with two dead spades is cute, particularly with an actual club void. “Let us experiment a little,” he remarks to the specs as he makes it. (East neglects to double 3S, as she should, for the lead. This will figure prominently in the hand later on.) Gee has extras but not very slammish ones. 4C is tolerable; 3NT, eliciting more description and intending to cue 4S over North’s rebid, is better.

North figures the cue bid shows extras, never mind where they are, and leaps straight to 6H, against which West opens, catastrophically, the club ace.

6H is essentially a 50-50 proposition on a spade lead, but now the hand is cold as long as trump aren’t 5-0. Pull trump, hook the diamond, win any return, and claim.

Back at the table, Gee ruffs the CA in dummy, pulls three rounds of trump, and cashes the club king. Only then does he take the diamond finesse. It loses, and East has a chance to cash two clubs. But East apparently surmises South’s hand as xxx QJ10x QJxx Kx. (For her failure to imagine Gee’s actual hand it is difficult to blame her.) She leads a spade. Making 6.

It’s time for a conversation:

G: I had to bluff… does not work the other way… not enough trumps
justinl: …
justinl: just pull trump and hook the diamond
G: no justin… it does not work
justinl: OK gee
G: and look at results… nobody makes but me
Spec #1: fireant the double goat, did not x 3S and did not cash out
justinl: sorry i almost had a heart attack, have to go now
justinl: GEE
justinl: THEY ALL LED A SPADE
justinl: thanks all
justinl has left the table.
G: ty Justin
G: why does he always know better?
Spec #2: LOLOL
G: ty barb, fire, specs
(In lobby)
justinl: WILL SOMBODY EXPLAIN TO GEE
justinl: HE WILL NOT BELIEVE ME
justinl: SOMEBODY ANYBODY
G: Justin… I made it… right? so… stop that
G: that contract cannot make any other way… I don’t have the stuff

The Royal Road

Aug 302002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 3

	kenmon J 9 6 3 K J A Q 3 J 9 4 3
Maestro A Q 7 4 A 4 2 K 9 6 2 K 7		alsze K 10 5 Q 10 8 7 5 J 8 7 A 8
	a-yummy 8 2 9 6 3 10 5 4 Q 10 6 5 2

West
1NT
2

North
Pass
Pass
Pass

East
2

3NT
Pass

South
Pass
Pass
Pass

Many, even most, hands have several routes to failure and only one to success. Far rarer is the hand where every line succeeds but one.

Gee is West, declaring the heart game after an entirely orthodox auction. North leads the C3, best for the defense; any other lead gives up the contract immediately.

Let’s plan the play. There are five possible losers, two in trump and three in diamonds. One of the possible diamond losers disappears if the spades come in. The hand is also rife with endplay possibilities. Probably best is to cash the second club and play the trump ace and another trump, finessing the 10 if North plays low. If South holds the king second she is endplayed immediately and the hand makes. With jack second she is still endplayed. She either forces an immediate guess in diamonds or gives up a ruff-sluff, and depending on the layout declarer has chances either way.

On the actual layout North holds KJ tight in trump and is forced to win the second trump and give up a ruff-sluff, a diamond trick, or a free winning finesse in spades. Making 4.

Inferior lines also succeed. Pulling trump without eliminating clubs and taking the double finesse in diamonds works. Finessing the spade 10 and hoping the DA is onside if it loses works.

What doesn’t work? Gee wins the first trick with the CK and leads a low trump from dummy. North wins the king and leads another club. Gee wins the CA and pulls two more rounds of trump. He then leads out his three top spades, ending in his hand, hoping to drop the jack. Jack doesn’t drop. Now he has four diamonds and a spade left in his hand; no more double finesse in diamonds. He still survives if he guesses diamonds, but he leads a small diamond and inserts the 8, which loses to the 10. He winds up losing two more diamond tricks for down 1.

Well. That doesn’t work.

O Captain! My Captain!

Aug 282002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: North
Lead: 10

	justinl A Q 3 2 A 5 2 10 5 3 J 8 4
pjm13 10 9 8 7 K J 8 3 4 2 A 10 3		moshel K J 6 10 7 4 A K Q 9 8 6 7
	Maestro 5 4 Q 9 6 J 7 K Q 9 6 5 2

West

Dbl
3NT
Dbl

North
Pass
2NT
Dbl
Pass

East
1

Pass
Pass

South
2

Pass
4

Pass

Crises tend to blur distinctions in rank. Who is captain, who is crew? When the ship is sinking, who cares?

Captain Gee sits South today, and overcalls East’s 1D opener with 2C, a bid for which he is no more than an ace short. After West makes a negative double, North, Seaman First Class Justin Lall, begins to wonder whether they’re playing with a pinochle deck. He finally opts for 2NT. I would choose 2D, and reserve 2NT for a hand of the same strength but more in diamonds and less in clubs, say, AJxx Kxx Kxxx xx. But 2NT is certainly better than a different suggestion he gets later on.

East bids 3C, asking a club stopper, and West answers affirmatively with 3NT. Seaman Lall doubles; you can hardly blame him. 3NT succeeds, miraculously, on the normal line of ducking two clubs and playing North for both spade honors and the heart ace, but ironically the 2NT bid may beat it. An expert West would at least consider taking the double finesse in diamonds.

The Captain, however, as befits his rank, elects to pull to 4C and go down with the ship. West doubles and leads the S10.

Under ordinary circumstances the pull would save 50 points, 550 vs. 500, but here we specialize in the extraordinary. The spade finesse loses, and East cashes two top diamonds, on which West plays high-low. This makes the layout clear. West must have the HK and the CA for his bid and East must have six diamonds for his. But the Captain, still stung by his crew’s insubordination, ruffs the third diamond low instead of discarding his heart loser.

West overruffs and returns a spade, won by dummy’s ace. Gee plays a trump, and West wins the trump ace and errs by returning a spade. (A trump breaks up the squeeze.) Now 500 can still be salvaged: running trump squeezes West in the majors. Gee draws the last trump and plays a low heart from dummy. 800.

Court-martial ensues:

G: do you push the auction? just bid 3C will shut them off, I think
justinl: just bid 3C Gee?
G: no… I was captain in this auction
G: you show your hand, period
justinl: no there was no captain
G: huh?
justinl: bridge is not a conversation with the captain
G: ok… ty justin
justinl: it’s one guy lying to the other
justinl: and the other saying “what?”
justinl: that’s no conversation
G: I see we are not getting anywhere that way, and certainly not after you insult me
G: ty opps, justin and opps
G: bye all
justinl has left the table.
Spec #1: the captain fell overboard, the ship sank but so what
G: you are stupid
Spec #1: this is not fair….:-)
G: keep your remarks to yourself… that way we’ll still think you are intelligent
Spec #1: but what about the ship?

That’s mutiny, Seaman! Mutiny I tell you!

And So Many Others

Aug 242002

N/S Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 8

	borgar J 4 3 7 4 A 2 A K 10 9 6 3
maneesh K Q 7 6 5 10 6 3 2 J 6 4 5		Maestro A 8 A K 8 K Q 9 8 Q J 7 4
	bdrindal 10 9 2 Q J 9 5 10 7 5 3 8 2

West
Pass
1

Pass

North
1

Pass

East
Dbl
3NT

South
Pass
Pass

Gee, sitting East, winds up in an excellent 3NT contract after a reasonable auction. I would bid 2NT over 2C (and raise to game with the West hand), but South rates to be broke if he can’t find a bid over the takeout double of 1C, and the jump to game, with a super 19 and a probable double stopper in clubs, is defensible.

South leads the C8, of course, ducked around to Gee’s jack. Even if spades break there are only eight top tricks: at some point declarer will have to tackle diamonds, and there’s no time like the present.

But declarer’s chances are good. The auction and lead virtually mark clubs as 6-2 or 7-1, and North with both club honors. When North wins the DA a club continuation will give declarer his ninth trick. On any other lead declarer has plenty of time to test diamonds (which fails) and spades (which succeeds): ten tricks.

Gee takes a different approach. He plays off three top spades, an inferior but still successful line. Well, it would have succeeded, had Gee not discarded a club on the third spade, for a rarely seen self-pseudo-squeeze. Spades break, and Gee figures, logically enough, that he may as well throw bad clubs after good, so he sluffs his remaining clubs on the fourth and fifth rounds of spades, to make the layout as clear to the defenders as possible.

Gee now plays off the two top honors in hearts, alertly seizing the last extra chance that the QJ will drop doubleton. No luck.

Alexander Ananin, who was kind enough to send me this hand, remarks elegiacally: “By now we all know why Marilyn Monroe committed suicide. (Her and so many others.) Only today, however, can we see how.”

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