Bidding

Off With My Head

Aug 132002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: A

	taryk K Q 7 6 3 — K 9 8 3 K 10 8 6
gv_roma 10 9 8 4 Q 3 2 Q J 2 Q 9 4		lulu A J 5 2 A K J 9 7 5 J 7 5
	Maestro — 10 8 6 5 4 A 10 7 6 4 A 3 2

West

2
Pass

North

Dbl

East
1

Pass

South
Pass
Pass

I’m getting kind of tired of sticks & wheels, aren’t you? Let’s try some defense today for variety.

Gee, sitting South, passes over 1H, and hears lefty raise to 2H and his partner double. This is a wet dream of an auction. Matching major-suit voids, as East-West are marked for the missing eight hearts, and a virtually guaranteed nine-card diamond fit. Five diamonds must be cold. Six diamonds is likely to have an excellent play; and even a diamond grand is possible if North holds something like Axxx — KQxx KQxxx.

A 3H cue bid seems indicated; or if not that, then something forcing, anything forcing. Gee passes for penalty. That last sentence deserves a paragraph to itself.

Gee passes for penalty.

There is only one possible way to follow a bid like that, and Gee finds it. He leads the CA, his partner signals with C8, and Gee plays a second round to North’s CK, declarer dropping CJ. North returns the SK, covered with SA and ruffed by Gee.

At this point the hand is almost an open book. Declarer must have four spades; with 5-5 in the majors and a minimum she would have opened 1S. Therefore she is either 4-5-2-2 or 4-5-1-3. The only missing honors are the SJ and the DK. If North doubled with eight HCP — rather unlikely, even at favorable and with perfect distribution — then you aren’t beating the contract anyway; declarer will get time to sluff two spade losers (in this scenario North holds SJ) on the spare minor suit winners. So you underlead the DA for your second spade ruff, right? Nah. You play the DA and another. Declarer ruffs the second diamond, pulls trump and claims.

Whose fault is this catastrophe? Gee explains his failure to underlead the DA as follows: “[It is] the play I would normally do, but I dare not anymore because if it does not work, aaron will kill me again, like he does each time I play an uncommon play and it does not work.”

You know those dictators-in-exile who are always getting sentenced in absentia by some toothless international court while they’re tanning on their hacienda in Uruguay? Today I feel a little like that. Could you rub on a little more sunscreen, sweetheart? You missed a spot.

2000: A Bridge Odyssey

Aug 102002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: A

	ahmed1 K 6 5 K Q 7 10 9 A 9 5 3 2
kompot 3 10 9 6 4 J 7 6 2 Q 7 6 4		Maestro A Q 10 9 8 7 J 5 3 2 8 4 10
	brando J 4 2 A 8 A K Q 5 3 K J 8

West

Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

North

2
3
3
4NT
Pass

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
5

Pass

South
1

2NT
3

3NT
Dbl

On the hand before this one Gee opened 1C with a 14-point balanced hand; and kompot responded 1NT with Q10 72 A982 KQJ52. Naturally Gee passed: naturally 3NT was cold. (Kompot explained afterwards that, first, it was 7:30 in the morning in Russia; second, that he couldn’t remember what the forcing bid was over 1C; and third, that in desperation he opted for the “nearest notrump” theory.) Gee, showing the loyalty to and sympathy for his partner that has always distinguished him from the herd, immediately typed to the spectators (give or take a question mark), “And I am the one who is controversial?????????” But as we shall see, the Small Time Club Player™ gets mad; the expert gets mad and even.

Many players would open the East hand 2S; but Gee, holding four hearts, begins with a disciplined pass. This is an important lesson for intermediates. It is often more successful, or at least more amusing, especially when vulnerable, to delay bidding such hands until game level or above, giving the opponents as much time as possible to gauge their strength and find their fit.

N/S are playing a complex relay system whose intricacies need not concern us here. Suffice it to say that 2C is the only natural bid in the auction — until Gee chimes in 5S over 4NT. The third natural bid is South’s double, and there matters are allowed to stand. (It is only fair to note that 6C by North makes double dummy unless the defense opens with the SA and a ruff.)

Gee now decides he doesn’t really want to play 5S after all. “Andy [kompot],” he says, “play the hand for me…too many enemies at the table.” Then he leaves, reducing the count by one. Ten minutes and 2000 points later — another bad break: it could have been held to 1700 — Gee returns to the table, telling Andy that he bid 5S “out of spite,” to punish him for his 1NT bid on the previous hand. Well then. That’s certainly good enough for me.

Bones’ Lemma

Aug 082002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: South
Lead: 5

	maureen 6 4 A K Q A J 7 4 2 A K 10
Icecarr A 3 10 7 6 Q 6 3 8 7 6 5 2		Maestro Q J 9 8 7 2 J 9 3 2 10 Q 9
	martial K 10 5 8 5 4 K 9 8 5 J 4 3

West

Pass
Pass

North

2NT
Pass

East

3
Pass

South
Pass
Dbl

The Bones Principle, as enumerated by its inventor, runs as follows: “When defending versus Gee, if he is to play the hand, wait until he stops bidding; then, no matter your hand or the auction, double for penalties. It will be the winning action in about 90% of the cases.” However, he also carefully notes that the Principle “is more aptly applied to those hands where, if you were to look at your hand and the auction, you would never double against an advanced declarer.”

With these discriminations in mind, let us consider South’s double of Gee’s 3S bid in today’s auction. (I know it’s my duty to consider the 3S bid itself — red vs. white, six-bagger to the QJ9, South passed making slam unlikely, and hey wait! isn’t that a four-card outside suit? — but I just don’t have the heart today. Sorry.) Is the double an application of the Bones Principle? Yes and no. On the one hand, South waited until Gee was finished bidding, assured himself that Gee would declare, and doubled. On the other hand, with South’s holding, opposite a 2NT opener, he is assured of a good-sized penalty even with Soloway declaring.

To be scrupulous, then, what we have is an application of what I would call Bones’ Lemma: If Gee has finished bidding and is to declare, and you expect to defeat the hand regardless, then double emphatically.

A casual inspection indicates three hearts, a diamond, two clubs and a trump for the defense, for 800. One line, and one line alone, yields Sticks and Wheels. Gee wins a second diamond after the defenders have cashed four red tricks, leads a low trump to the ace, and finesses the 9 on the way back, playing South, the doubler, for a stiff. 1100. It’s on purpose, I just know it is.

The Perfect Storm

Aug 072002

N/S Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 4

	justinl 8 7 3 Q 10 6 4 A K Q 8 7 K
curtisxx Q J 6 4 2 9 6 5 3 J 8 5 4		nui 10 9 5 A 7 3 2 4 2 A 9 6 2
	Maestro A K K J 8 5 J 10 9 Q 10 7 3

West
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

North
1

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Dbl
Pass

South
1

4NT
5NT
6

Pass

The genuine expert knows the importance of table demeanor. Winning the hand must often take a back seat to winning the post mortem.

The diamond opener and 1H response are unexceptionable. Justin’s 3H rebid is arguable, but his other choice is an underbid of 2H and, being aggressive, he chooses the overbid.

Gee wants to go slamming opposite the jump raise. He could cue the spades, giving Justin a chance to show a club holding; or support diamonds belatedly; or just bid Key Card Blackwood, keeping his partner completely in the dark. He bids Key Card Blackwood.

Justin shows his ace, and Gee follows with 5NT, asking for specific kings and guaranteeing the rest of the key cards. Trouble is, he doesn’t have the rest of the keycards; N/S are a couple short. Justin shows his CK, as instructed, with East doubling for a club lead, and Gee signs off in 6H. Justin promptly bids the grand, which makes sense. His diamond suit is likely worth five tricks. And even if it’s only good for four, his stiff CK is now worth a trick. Add in a club ruff and you’re already at 12; the CQ, a fifth heart, the SK or a second club ruff will produce a 13th.

Whether East’s failure to double is from pity, shock, or inattention is not for me to say. As the dummy comes down the specs begin to stir:

Spec #1: what’s going on here!!!!!
Spec #2: we are trying for stix and wheels in a voluntarily bid grand!!! [Ed. — That’s old news.]
Spec #3 [wondering about Gee’s table note, “Online lessons available”]: on line lessons????
Gerard: chicken?
Spec #4: Can’t blame Justin when partner confirms all the Aces
Spec #5: 5nt says we have all the aces pd so kq of diamond + k of club a lot of tricks
Spec #6: 5nt was the bid that made it possible
justinl [to specs]: silly me… thought 5nt showed all the keycards
Spec #7: i understand justin
Spec #8: afraid gee will be very tired after this hand
justinl [to specs]: then i thought 5 d 4 h 2 cl 1 sp 1 cl ruff or a 5th heart or king of spades
Spec #3 [still wondering]: so online lessons would be all about correct bidding???

OK. You’ve miscounted key cards and put the partnership in a hopeless slam (whether small or large is of little consequence when you’re off two aces). An ordinary player might apologize or keep his counsel. Only the expert understands that this is the time for a blistering offensive in the post mortem:

Gerard: 3H?
justinl: G please do not criticize 3h after you bid 5nt
Spec #2: LOL
justinl: i showed 1 or 4 and you had 2
Spec #2: justin is getting testy
Gerard: how do I have 2?
justinl [to specs]: sorry specs… can’t do it if he’s going to criticize me
Gerard: I have 1 ace
Gerard: you showed 4
justinl: bye all thanks for game
Spec #7: lol
justinl has left the table.
nui: wow
Gerard: oh well
Spec #7: geez, first time i have seen justin get upset

Gee closes the table, remarking, “I am sick and tired of it all.” Maybe so. But I never get tired of this stuff.

The Happiest Conversation

Aug 062002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 8

	dlaul A K Q J 5 Q 9 6 4 8 7 2 2
Dav 7 4 2 10 8 3 J 10 9 K 8 4 3		Hy 9 8 K J 5 2 5 3 Q 9 7 6 5
	Maestro 10 6 3 A 7 A K Q 6 4 A J 10

West

Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

North

1
3
4
6
Pass

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

South
1

2NT
3NT
5

That is the happiest conversation where there is no competition, no vanity, but a calm quiet interchange of sentiments.
–Samuel Johnson

Ever been in one of those conversations where the other guy just won’t shut up?

Gee is South today. The auction gets off to a fine start, as Gee, with too good a hand for 1NT, opens 1D and rebids 2NT over North’s 1S reply. North replies 3H, showing either a highly distributional or very good hand with at least 5-4 in the majors. (If North were 4-4 he would bid the hearts first.)

Gee has several possible rebids. 3S would show 3-card spade support. 4D would show his powerful five-bagger. And then there is 3NT, his actual choice, which shows what 2NT showed, plus an ardent desire to play the hand.

4D, by North, completes the description of his hand: he is either 5-4-3-1 or 5-5-3-0 (conceivably 6-4-3-0), with power and slam interest. Gee cues the CA, and North signs off in 6S.

Gee, as he did over 3H, has two choices. He has promised North no more than two spades, perhaps even one, yet North is willing to play in 6S. If North has solid spades then there are 13 tricks in diamonds, provided they break 3-2 or North holds the DJ. 7D is the bold bid. On the other hand North may hold something like AKJ9xx Kxxx xxx void. In this case 6S is pretty cold but 7D depends on picking up the queen. Passing 6S is the conservative bid. Gee chooses the third alternative: 7S. Down 1.

The hand is followed by a calm quiet interchange of sentiments:

Spec #1: ambitious
Spec #2: insane bidding
G: that auction was geared towards grand slam for me
dlaul: pourquoi 6 Gerard :))
Spec #3: lol really
Spec #4: lol
Spec #3: well 1st time
Spec #2: yeah, right
Spec #4: spec are coming alive!
G: because you did not direct towards ace asking, but towards distribution
dlaul: last hand thx all merci

Quod Licet Jovi, Non Licet Bovi

Aug 052002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: A

	Maestro 10 8 5 2 10 8 4 3 2 J 4 5 2
fifee Q 6 A 9 7 5 K 9 6 5 3 2 6		swizzle A K J 9 Q J A 10 K J 7 4 3
	curtisxx 7 4 3 K 6 Q 8 7 A Q 10 9 8

West

1
Pass

North

3
Pass

East
1

Dbl

South
Pass
Pass

In a recent column Gee’s partner made a second-seat vulnerable overcall of 1H with 3S, holding KQxxxxx Qxxx x x. In the post mortem Gee remarked that it was “unexpected that my partner made a pre-emptive overcall with 7 and a 4-card suit.”

OK then. Today we take a closer look at 3-level overcalls. East opens 1C, South passes, West replies 1D. The ordinary player might pass, would pass, with the North hand. Gee calls 3H.

Now I know what you’re thinking. If the 3S overcall was wrong how can this one be right? Look more closely. The 3S overcall was made with seven to the KQ; Gee’s is with five to the 10. All the difference in the world. And sure, Gee has an outside four-bagger, but it’s only headed by the 10, and it’s in a suit the opponents haven’t bid. No comparison there.

Gee is also not vulnerable, giving him an extra margin of safety. And finally his 3H was in fourth, not second seat. His partner having passed makes it almost certain that the opponents have at least a game. And they do; 3NT makes 4 or 5.

The opponents, however, double instead of bidding their NT game. The play is lengthy and sanguinary. The defense leads the DA, cashes the SK and leads a second diamond, won by West with the K. West cashes the SQ and gives East a third-round diamond ruff. East cashes a third round of spades, West sluffing her stiff club, and gives West a club ruff, Gee playing CQ from dummy. Gee ruffs the fourth-round of diamonds in hand with the deuce (discarding his last club doesn’t help), and the HQ from East forces the HK from dummy. West still has two trump tricks coming, for down 5.

These expert bids work out every once in a while, I know they do. Don’t they?

Grace Under Pressure

Aug 042002

Experts of the game know how to manage gracefully such the situation they create, most other players don’t.
–G. Cohen, Bridge Is A Conversation

Quiz time. With both sides vulnerable you hold QJ5 AQ762 853 K3 and hear a first-seat spade opener to your left, a pass from your partner, and a forcing 1NT on your right. Your bid?

Well, let’s think about this for a second. Lefty is more or less unlimited. Righty could have quite a good hand, including a heart stack, for his 1NT. Your hand could take as few as two tricks on offense. And yet you have enough defense so that, if your partner has anything at all, you have a respectable chance of defeating a game.

So you take all of this into account and pass, right? Wrong. Our hero steps in with a full-blooded 2H overcall. This is the full deal:

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: A

	xarman 6 4 2 4 9 7 6 4 A 10 9 6 2
icerock K 10 8 7 3 K 9 8 3 A K 10 J		pq2 A 9 J 10 5 Q J 2 Q 8 7 5 4
	Maestro Q J 5 A Q 7 6 2 8 5 3 K 3

West
1

Dbl

North
Pass
Pass

East
1NT
Pass

South
2

Pass

Even expert bids don’t always work. The defense cashes three rounds of diamonds and continues with three rounds of spades, East ruffing the third. Gee wins the club shift in dummy and loses the trump finesse to West’s HK. East ruffs the fourth round of spades with the HJ, which Gee overruffs with the HA. That’s two tricks for declarer if you’re following at home. But West is now endplayed: declarer’s H7 forces him to win the H9 and, holding 83 in trump, concede a third trick to Gee’s remaining 62 for down 5.

So sure, it’s 1400. But it’s a graceful 1400.

Bones-Gee Smackdown!

Aug 032002

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: South
Lead: 3

	justinl K Q 9 5 4 3 2 Q 7 4 2 — 10 8
O_Bones 6 K J 9 6 3 4 3 2 A K Q 9		misu J 10 8 7 A 10 5 A J 9 7 6 3
	Maestro A 8 K Q 10 8 5 J 7 6 5 4 2

West

1
Pass
Pass

North

3
Pass
Pass

East

4
Dbl

South
Pass
4

Pass

Is he banned or isn’t he? Apparently O_Bones had (I use the past tense advisedly) a special exemption to join Gee’s table, provided he opposed him, of which he and Misu took advantage last night for a short but exciting grudge match against Gee and notorious Texas juvenile Justin Lall.

The first four hands were uneventful; and then this was dealt. Bones opens a perfectly sound 1H, and Justin makes a frisky but defensible vulnerable overcall of 3S. Misu makes the obvious raise to 4H. Now to Gee. He has a stiff spade A, indicating that the opponents may well have two spade losers. His diamonds figure to be worth no more than a trick on offense, with no entries save the spade, and worth that same trick on defense. His stiff heart indicates that trump may break badly for the opposition, yet he has no ruffing value. He adds all this up and comes to the obvious conclusion: bid the spade game. This is passed around to Misu, who has three defensive tricks opposite an opening hand and doubles. “Bones Principle,” types Bones to the specs, but this is perhaps not a classical application. If Misu had, say, 1/2 a defensive trick, and doubled anyway, then the Bones Principle would more properly apply.

Misu opens his stiff club and Justin surveys the dummy with, one surmises, some disappointment. “Interesting,” he remarks diplomatically. Bones wins the first two rounds of clubs with the queen and ace, Misu sluffing a low diamond on the second round, and makes the crucial error of shifting the H3. Misu is forced to win the H10, and two subsequent rounds of hearts set up Justin’s queen. He winds up down 800 instead of the 1100 the defense could have had if Bones had returned the HJ or H9.

“Sorry, missed stix & wheels,” says Bones to his partner after the hand, which is perhaps, just after beating the opponents for 7 IMPs, not in the best possible taste. The following colloquy ensues:

G: ugh bones… was unexpected that my partner made a pre-emptive overcall with 7 and a 4-card suit
misu: actually 8card suit wasn’t it?
misu: oh no 7
G: no enough of that BS, bones
G: I don’t take it lightly
O_Bones: what?
G: insulting me will not get you anywhere
misu: huh?
justinl: stix and wheels is a common term… don’t think he was badmouthing you G
O_Bones: what you chirping about now gee?
O_Bones has been disconnected.
justinl: i say it all the time
misu: gee what’s wrong?
misu: he should have returned the heart 9 and we would have got 1100
misu: that’s all he meant
O_Bones has joined the table.
O_Bones: correct
justinl: G, really don’t think it was meant as an insult, he could have beaten me 1100
G: no, that’s not all he meant
O_Bones: apologised to my pard for my weak defense
G: he meant he would have had something to add to aaron’s website to demonstrate how ridicule [sic] I am
O_Bones: we got only 8 BONES instead of stix & wheels, due to my defensive slip
G: end of the game all
justinl: let’s just give bones the benefit of the doubt and move on please, ok?
G: sorry justin
G: bye
justinl: bye

Fair-minded person that I am, I propose a compromise: I publish the hand on my site anyway, but without the customary Sticks & Wheels logo. Is everyone OK with that?

Bridge Is a Monologue

Aug 022002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 2

	billyyeh A K Q K Q J 3 10 9 4 A 10 6
mgold J A 9 8 5 4 2 Q J 3 K 7 2		zl1 10 9 7 6 5 2 10 7 6 A 2 Q J
	Maestro 8 4 3 — K 8 7 6 5 9 8 5 4 3

West
1

Pass

North
Dbl
Dbl
Pass

East
2

Pass
Pass

South
Pass
4

The results of listening carefully to your partner and acceding to his wishes can be readily observed in today’s hand. West opens a borderline 1H; many players would consider 2H with his hand. North doubles with his monster, and East makes a standard but minimum raise in hearts.

Gee has a hand with some offensive but next to no defensive values. Either bidding or passing is reasonable (I would bid) but if he does want to compete then he must, with 5-5 in the minors, bid 3D over 2H, which allows him to show the clubs on the next round and avoids the risk of selling out to 2H when three or four of a minor makes your way.

Gee passes. West makes a “Law” bid with his six hearts and sub-minimum. Larry Cohen warns in his books that if you follow the Law of Total Tricks you’re going to go for a nasty number once in a while, and this is such an instance. North doubles with alacrity, and correct defense (an early diamond shift) puts 3H down 2 for 500.

Ah, but Gee, perhaps regretting his pass over 2H, and holding half a trick more defensively than he’s promised, comes in from left field with a 4D bid! This converts +500 into -50, with two unavoidable losers in each minor. Until the play.

Gee wins the opening club lead with the ace. You or I might think about pulling trump at this point. The master, however, leads the HK, ruffs it low, crosses to dummy with a spade and leads another heart, ruffing low again. The second spade is ruffed by West, who continues with the CK and a third round, giving East a ruff. The spade return is ruffed by West, who returns the HA, ruffed by Gee in hand. At this point, having shortened himself twice in hearts, he is in danger of going down 5 or so if either West has the last two outstanding trumps, so Gee makes the shrewd safety play of leading good clubs to force East and West to make their trumps separately. This guarantees down 3.

It is important, as Gee well knows, to clear up little misunderstandings like this one before they poison the partnership. So after the hand Gee assures his partner that he knew exactly what he was doing when he yanked his penalty double, which I’m sure came as a relief.

G: Not an accident I did not pass 3HX pd :)
G: I really meant not to leave 3HX in…was sure we have 4D makeable
billyyeh: OK G.

Am I reading this correctly? Did Gee pull the double, not because he was afraid that 3HX would make, but because he thought 4D was makeable? I think I need to go lie down now.

The Pure Zero

Aug 012002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 6

	priceat — J 5 A Q J 7 4 3 2 A J 5 3
Maestro A Q 7 6 4 3 A 10 3 5 Q 8 4		hl J 8 5 2 8 7 6 2 K 10 9 7 6
	wildats K 10 9 K Q 9 4 8 6 K 10 9 2

West
1

Pass

North
2

Pass

East
2

Pass

South
3NT

Many “zero percent plays” are not, technically, pure zeros; there is often some arcane distribution on which the “zero” play would succeed. Today Gee is kind enough to supply us with the rarer case of a pure zero, a play that always fails, no matter what the layout.

Today we reach 3NT after what, by the standards of the Chronicles, is a normal auction. South has just about the absolute minimum for his game bid, and North should certainly consider bidding further with his seven-bagger and spade void. 5D is far superior to 3NT on the layout; and even slam is barely possible with a magic South hand like, say, QJx Ax Kx KQxxxx.

But 3NT it is, against which Gee, sitting West, leads an automatic low spade. The first trick goes club sluff, SJ, SK, and South leads a diamond, finesses the DQ and prays. No luck; it loses to East’s DK and the S2 is promptly led back. South plays the S10 and our hero wins the SQ. Gee thinks for a moment (I once heard a very wise player remark, “When the opponents think there’s always hope.”) and produces the S3. Plus 430 to N/S; only -3 IMPs because 5D is cold.

A rather put-upon East inquires, “I thought my S2 meant original 4th, was I wrong?”

Replies Gee: “I had so many spades, could not believe you could possibly have 4.” The reader should pause to grasp the implications of this remark.

One’s first thought might be that it’s not especially remarkable for seven hidden spades to be divided 4-3 in favor of the player who raised the suit. But let’s dig a little deeper. Original 4th best has been a standard defensive convention since Ely Culbertson’s heyday; but note that Gee doesn’t deny that his partner showed 4; he denies believing his partner had 4. Sure, bridge is a conversation and all, but one must sometimes take matters into one’s own hands.

OK then. Let’s suppose East had three and led the wrong spot back. South must have every missing high card for his 3NT bid. Therefore your only chance to beat the contract in this case is to hope that East holds K109x in diamonds and South needs a heart trick to make. You may as well clear the spades. It costs nothing; and who knows? Partner may have led back the correct spot.

It’s also remotely possible that East made an eccentric spade raise on Jx, and South holds K10985 in spades. In this scenario the only way to beat the contract is to play partner for a double stop in diamonds and six small hearts (giving South KQ tight), and to hope South misguesses clubs. Here it’s essential to lead either the HA or the H10, unblocking the suit. Not a low spade.

We are left, in short, with a play that can only lose if partner played correctly, and can only break even if partner played incorrectly. A pure zero.

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