Aaron Haspel

Sep 262002

Dear Dr. Robert:

You’re partnering Gee. He goes down in an ice cold game contract. After the hand he accuses you of overbidding. What’s the best reply?

–Angry in Angola

Dear Angie,

Apologize. You are clearly misanalyzing the hand, because if it were ice cold an expert would never go down. Therefore you must have overbid to put him there. I recommend the following books to correct your bidding deficiencies, in order of increasing importance: Develop Your Bidding Judgement, by Terrence Reese, Points Shmoints, by Marty Bergen and of course Bridge Is a Conversation, by Gerard Cohen. These groundbreaking works will help you form winning bidding fundamentals, and sharpen your decision making so you don’t embarrass Gee like that again. Remember, just because you’ve seen Gerard make a bid doesn’t mean that you can do it too, at least not until you develop his table presence and feel.

Is It Or Isn’t It?

Sep 252002

None Vul
IMPs
Dealer: West
Lead: 6

	taryk 10 6 4 9 8 7 10 9 3 A 7 4 3
Hy 8 5 3 2 A K Q 8 5 2 Q 6 5		wildcats K 9 Q 10 6 3 2 K 7 6 4 K J
	Maestro A Q J 7 J 5 4 A J 10 9 8 2

West
1

Pass
Pass
Pass

North
Pass
2

Pass
Pass

East
1

Dbl

South
Dbl
4

Pass

West jump-starts today’s auction with a really grungy first-hand diamond opener — not just eleven points, but eleven really bad points. I suppose everyone opens this sort of hand these days, but with no suit, all the values in the doubleton and no spot cards, I pass. East’s 1H response is orthodox, and Gee makes a perfectly reasonable, if rather light, takeout double.

West passes, as he should have done in the first place, and North makes a forced 2C bid, showing nothing. East devalues his black kings and bids a non-forcing 3D, demonstrating also, perhaps, some familiarity with his partner’s bidding style. 2NT and even 3NT are also possible.

Back around to our hero. Let’s see. His partner has shown nothing. He has zero extras. He has no club support beyond what the original double showed. There’s only one possible bid, and Gee makes it: 4C.

This is passed around to East who doubles, holding an opener himself opposite his partner’s opener (of sorts). The defense begins with a diamond, West quickly unblocks his hearts, and declarer goes down 3 for 500 as he must.

The philosophical question is whether East’s double, lacking so much as a single sure defensive trick, is Bones Principle. Much as I would like to put my new Bones logo to immediate use, I must refrain, on two counts. First, Gee is not playing the hand, which removes it from the realm of the Bones Principle proper. Second, East holds an awful lot of points not to hammer a four-level contract, especially on a hand that doesn’t figure, on the auction, to be very distributional. Maybe next time.

The Best Defense

Sep 242002

N/S Vul
IMPs
Dealer: North
Lead: 7

	johnjay 7 K 8 6 4 3 K J 2 Q 10 9 7
renchau A J 8 5 2 9 7 5 10 9 8 7 4 —		tschen 10 6 4 3 A Q 2 3 K 6 5 3 2
	Maestro K Q 9 J 10 A Q 6 5 A J 8 4

West

2
Pass

North
Pass
4

Pass

East
Pass
4

Pass

South
1NT
Dbl

In bridge defense takes two forms: in the play and in the post mortem. Too often the first necessitates the second.

Today Gee, South, opens a standard 1NT and West ventures a 2S, showing spades and a minor, that is rather thin, even at unfavorable. North jumps to 4H with his stiff spade. This isn’t a terrible bid, but if they are playing Lebensohl then a forcing 3H, showing five hearts and asking South to choose a game, is much better. On the actual layout 4H is almost certainly down while 3NT makes nine tricks at least.

East’s 4S bid can’t be faulted at the vulnerability, nor can Gee’s double. North knows that the defense has most of the points and makes the logical choice of a trump lead.

Declarer wins Gee’s SQ with the ace and does the best he can by leading D7. North wisely plays D2, allowing Gee to win, which he does with DQ, and continue trump. Two more rounds of trump force declarer to eat three diamonds, putting the contract three in the glue for 500. Gee’s aversion to trump leads, however, is well-known, and the specs begin to buzz:

Spec #1: is G bristling again?
Spec #2: probably trump lead
Spec #3: will he continue trumps? i think no
Spec #4: what is he thinking about now….. throw a trump on the table!!
Spec #5: think no, definite NO

Gee leads the CA. This finishes the defense. Declarer ruffs, cashes the HA and CK, cross-ruffs clubs and diamonds, and manages an overtrick in the ending, for the coup de grace, when Gee discards on the good long club and ruffs the losing heart. 690. The specs are shocked, shocked:

Spec #4: pathetic
Spec #1: LOL
Spec #6: G at work…
Spec #7: that was inspired
Spec #2: bad even on the g scale

But now Gee demonstrates what great defense really is:

G: you really fooled me there pd :(
Spec #8: wow!!!!
Spec #4: ???
Spec #3: fooled him?????
Spec #6: pd to blame
Spec #9: the Ace???? when he can see the King
Spec #2: oh its his pds fault we shd have known
Spec #4: fooled him??? pard made a great opening lead
johnjay: what did i do?
Spec #2: lol
Spec #1: well he might ask!
G: the 4H
Spec #10: trump lead indicates shortness in dummy long suit
Spec #8: thought p had club k
G: why 4H?
Spec #1: notice G will get TWO spade tricks this way
Spec #5: no he wont
Spec #8: take the offense g
Spec #4: why club ace?
Spec #1: what chutzpah! first the club ace, THEN criticize the bidding
Spec #6: misclick… “obvious”
Spec #5: john seems to be having a little trouble finding the right words
G: I based my defense around you having 6 hearts and short in one of the minors
Spec #4: with spade lead – down 500
Spec #11: no comment by john :) (his pard)
johnjay: he doesnt do so well if you lead trumps
Spec #3: trump lead means that he is short in a minor according to G. Something like 1-6-5-1… interesting
Spec #9: is this the end of a beautiful friendship?
Spec #8: quite the analyst

Sep 242002

Dear Dr. Robert:

As much as it pains us to face it, none of us is getting any younger and no one can ever hope to follow in Gee’s illustrious bridge footsteps. Should we be thinking cryogenics or cloning or should we just let him take his unique and rightful place in history?

—Fearful of Fate

Dear Fateful,

You are not the first to consider this fascinating concept. Medicine has investigated cloning all of the greats, from Michael Jordan to Michael Jackson, from Pavarotti to Madonna, from Dr. Ruth to Dr. Robert, and Gerard is no exception. I myself have come across images from a previous experiment to clone Gee that went horribly, horribly wrong. You should turn away at this point if you are pregnant, nursing, thinking of becoming pregnant, under the age of 18, or have a personal or family history of heart conditions.

The same in every detail, but with 1/8 the bridge skill.

Apparently there was a mixup in the petri dish, and fortunately it ended, this time, with Gerard and Mini-Gee cornered in their effort to escape the lab. This sort of experiment should be a distant memory for the sake of all our safety. And there are other difficulties. After the hand, would they each blame the other for overbidding, or would they acknowledge the lack of luck in the expert partnership? I leave this for the more philosophical brethren to ponder: If two Gees overbid, and no one is around to blame, does it still go for stix and wheels?

It’s Not Unusual

Sep 232002

E/W Vul
IMPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 9

	petit_g K 9 4 K Q 7 2 K J 8 5 2 6
mclucky A J 9 8 5 A 7 6 4 K 9 4 2		a-yummy 10 7 3 A J 10 6 4 Q 10 3 A Q
	Maestro Q 8 6 5 2 3 9 J 10 8 7 5 3

West

3
Pass

North
1

Dbl

East
1

Pass

South
2NT
Pass

A few days ago my faithful correspondent O_Bones remarked on an innovation he christened the “unusual unusual notrump.” It appears he spoke too soon. Either that or I’m going to run out of names.

Grand un petit Gee reprise yesterday’s roles as South and North, respectively. An ordinary 1D first seat opener and 1H overcall finds our hero in difficulties. The sissified pass of a cowardly STCP™ can be rejected out of hand. A bold STCP™ might consider a negative double, but Chronicles readers know this is always wrong with a five-card major. 1S maybe, but then how to show the glorious clubs?

Gee’s answer is the unusual unusual notrump: 2NT, to show 5-5 or better in the unbid suits. The STCP™ would play 2NT here to show a balanced invitational hand with a heart stopper, but you know, small-time once, small-time forever. McLucky, West, must count himself even more fortunate than usual to hold an opening hand in fourth seat on this auction. He swallows his incredulity and musters a raise to 3H.

North knows somebody’s lying, but who? Holding KQxx of hearts he doubles, reasonably, instead of waiting around to find out. This is passed to Gee, who has the defensive tricks he promised, give or take two or three, and stands it.

Against 3HX Gee leads his stiff D9. Declarer makes four by going up with the DA and running the trump 9. He ducks the diamond. North wins the DK and returns his singleton club. Declarer wins and can still make by playing trump, conceding the two trump honors, a diamond and a spade. Instead he unaccountably plays another round of clubs. North ruffs, gives Gee a diamond ruff, and later comes to a spade and another trump trick. Down 1. A triumph for the unusual unusual notrump. I guess.

Sep 222002

Gee seems to have his knickers in a twist. You can read the whole thing if you like, but there are a few points of interest:

Aaron, as usual, you lie, you misrepresent everything on the sole purpose to make me look like a fool…You carefully suppressed the lines in between that lead to my comments, but this is not the first time you do that. You are very deceptive, Mister!

I’m pretty sure he’s accusing me of hiding something, although his syntax is difficult to parse. He doesn’t tell me what I hid or cite any other examples of my alleged misrepresentations. An eyewitness to the remarks I quoted testifies to my complete accuracy. Everything Gee writes to me I publish prominently and in full, including, of course, this.

On another subject, you reported in your so called columns a discussion we had, you and I, about a squeeze play. That discussion never happened, it is a pure invention of your imagination, and I don’t care if what you wrote makes me look good, it is all false.

Now this is interesting. Why would I fabricate a discussion that makes Gee look good if I were interested in character assassination? I wouldn’t, of course. But the comments were spelled and punctuated properly and the analysis was sound, so I thought something might be fishy. I checked my referer logs, and sure enough, the comments that were purportedly from Gee came, not from his provider, but from an ISP in the UK. So what happened? I guess some misguided avenger of Gee’s honor sent in these comments under his name to make me look bad. I will retain the comments, but under the name of “pseudo-Gerard,” until the impostor decides to reveal himself. It was scurrilous of me to accuse Gee of analyzing a hand correctly, and it won’t happen again.

On the same token, you reported questions asked by justinl and shotgun. They never asked you these questions.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. “Superstitious in the Sudan” isn’t really from the Sudan. “Mystified in Missoula” isn’t from Missoula either. I’ve even heard rumors that Dr. Robert doesn’t have an M.D. Now that would be a scandal.

Meanwhile, for all the reasons I mentioned earlier, I do not accept a challenge by you at the bridge table until these columns about me either stop or stop being a character assassination of me. Show yourself as a gentleman, and then we’ll talk, but not before.

Something may have got lost in translation here. Perhaps an analogy would be in order. I offer to flip you a coin for $100. You answer, “Tell you what, pay me the $100 and then we’ll flip.” I’ll go through it again, slowly. Closing down the site is not a condition of the match; it is the stake of the match. You can’t make the stake a condition, because then there isn’t a stake any more.

I refer the interested reader to several examples of gentlemanly discourse.

Captain Courageous

Sep 222002

None Vul
MPs
Dealer: East
Lead: 10

	petit_g 10 6 5 A K J 10 4 J 9 6 4 2 —
classact A J 9 9 8 5 3 10 8 J 9 8 4		a-yummy Q 8 2 Q 7 6 Q 7 5 3 10 7 2
	Maestro K 7 4 3 2 A K A K Q 6 5 3

West

Pass
Pass
Pass

North

1
3
Pass

East
Pass
Pass
Pass
Pass

South
1

Today we elaborate a few intricacies of captain theory for those to whom yesterday’s lecture was not entirely clear.

Gee, sitting South, opens an unexceptionable 1C in second seat. His partner, mini-Gee, responds an equally reasonable 1H, and Gee bypasses his spade suit, discounts his eight playing tricks, and bids a non-forcing 3C.

Or so it appears. It turns out, however, that mini-Gee has appointed himself captain with the 1H bid, and therefore any rebid by Gee is non-forcing. As Gee instructed the specs after the hand:

Spec #1: was 3c a forcing bid last hand?
G: no… I was the crew
G: crew cant make forcing bids
Spec #1: but if you bid 2s as you probably shd wdn’t that be forcing?
G: why would I bid 2S? I have a 6/4 hand, not a 5/4 or a 6/5
Spec #2: if you did, though, would it be forcing?
G: no as the crew I can never make a forcing bid
Spec #1: what made you the crew?
G: I was the dealer
G: the dealer is always the crew
Spec #1: but dealers always make jump shifts and reverses – those are forcing
G: no, they are not
Spec #3: always thought a jump shift by opener was forcing
G: it is not

Let’s review. 2S? Not forcing. 4NT rkc? Not forcing. Running around to the other side of the table, sticking a gun in your partner’s ear, and saying “bid or I’ll kill you”? Not forcing.

Nonetheless mini-Gee has an easy 3D bid over 3C, showing, in all likelihood, at least nine red cards. Any idiot could bid 3NT now with the South cards. But a player who can bypass Kxxx of spades on the first round and then introduce them at the four-level without so much of a hint of support from partner — that’s no ordinary idiot.

Against 4S West leads the D10, as good as anything. Gee wins the DK and plays three top clubs, discarding diamonds from dummy, with both defenders following. Then he takes two top hearts and ruffs a low heart in hand, dropping East’s HQ. He cashes the DA for his eighth trick, and leads a club to dummy. East overruffs dummy’s S5 with the S8, and makes the crucial error of returning the S2 instead of the SQ. West wins the SJ as Gee plays low, and is endplayed. Since 3NT almost always comes to nine tricks, making 4 is good for 90% of the matchpoints. And it’s so simple too, requiring only a 4-3 club split, a 4-3 heart split, a 3-3 spade split and a defensive error.

“Bet this one won’t make Aaron’s column,” Gee crows to the specs after the hand. Does he really expect me to resist an invitation like that?

Sep 212002

“I regret to say I am right more often than I wish to be.”

Permalink September 21, 2002 No Responses »

The Skipper Too

Sep 212002

Sometimes practice must be leavened with a little theory. Last night Gee gathered the faithful and treated them to a lecture on the dos and don’ts of captaincy. Not being among the anointed I have only a fragmentary version and will be grateful to any acolytes who can fill in the gaps. Still, let’s listen in. The spec comments are in bold.

G: New table note: “want to know what this captain theory is about… come over”
G: if you want to be part of the discussion, come in obs not in spec
G: I want to explain the basics of my theory if you are interested, here is how it works
Apostle #1: G really nothing about your concept of bid captain
Apostle #1: just we joking about the phrase “who is the captain” but if u feel offended i’m sorry
G: each team starts with a captain and a crew
Apostle #2: sorry G, I was way out of line
G: the dealer and the player in 2nd seat are always the crew at the beginning of each hand
Apostle #1: i know.. this concept is the base of modern bidding theory
G: well… you guys listen, then maybe you will stop making fun of my captain theory
G: the crew may not give any order
Apostle #1: we fun about the phrase not about the theory
G: only the captain can
Apostle #1: i hope now is all clear
Apostle #3: better by e-mail
G: when the bidding starts, the crew, if makes an opening bid passes info to the captain
Apostle #3: Gee we just kidding of that that’s all
G: if the captain needs more info, he will ask questions to the crew
G: once the captain has gathered enough info, he makes a decision of where to play and how high to play
Apostle #2: but i truly apologize, G
G: just listen
Apostle #2: ok
G: if the captain does not have enoguh in his hand to ask questions, he relieves himself of the captainship by either passing, support crew’s suit, repeat his own suit, these are the 3 ways the captain gives up his captainship
G: once the captain has given up his captainship the crew may pick it up and become the captain
Apostle #3: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
G: if he does, he can then ask questions to the ex-captain and the process starts over again with a new captain
G: if the crew does not want to be the captain, he has the same options as the ex-captain has pass, repeat his suit, support the captain suit. when this happens, there is no more crew nor no captain. any bid by the team becomes a unique non commital bid and meant only to compete without any meaning to search for game
Apostle #4: the crew is planning a mutiny
Apostle #4: at least seaman lall is in the brig where he belongs
G: this is a very short explanation, but it gives a good idea of what the relationship between the players in a team is there cannot be 2 captains at the same time in a team
G: this concept is not my invention.
G: we all, experts play it
Apostle #4: i think i am getting seasick!!
G: but i just express it when noone has
Apostle #4: does anyone have any dramamine and a barfbag?
G: so people who are not experts can be more competitive at a bridge table against better players than them
G: my point is that intermediate players and advanced players stop arguing who is making a forcing bid and who is not
G: peterw was a 41% player… now he is a 50% player using this concept
Apostle #2: lol
Apostle #1: he want convince all us that he is the inventor of captain theory but chiaradia exposed it 40 years ago
Apostle #4: LOL, this is incredible
Apostle #2: he made peterw better
G: all my students, live and on line say the same thing.. it clears up totally what their right and duties as players at the table are
Apostle #4: i am looking for a plank that i can walk
G: and all improve just by using that concept
Apostle #2: sinking ship?
G: that does not always make them experts
G: there are other considerations
Apostle #5: G is the captain and peterw is Tenille
Apostle #2: lol
G: when you are the captain, you have to ask the right question at the right time
G: sometimes difficult and requires to know, using the system elements
G: you, experts in this room play it… I just put it down on paper
Apostle #4: I am going down to sick bay, maybe Bones can help me
Apostle #2: lol
G: for the non-experts to understand what is going on at expert tables
G: have questions?
Apostle #2: no, this is just a rant
Apostle #6: Gee please, what did you mean by the unique noncommital bid not having captain?
Apostle #1: if u feel offended i’m sorry. that’s all
Apostle #3: me too geeee
G: ok
Apostle #2: me too, truly sorry
G: means that once the captain has given up his captainship he may not pick it up again
Apostle #1: ok
G: if both players have given it up there is no more captain
G: if one of the players makes a bid it is a free unique bid not asking the partner to answer anything
Apostle #3: right now no more questions
G: ok any other questions?
Apostle #6: sry, I lost my connection
G: ok, I will tell you again
Apostle #6: so I did not hear the answer to my question G please
G: if the captain gives up his captainship, and the new captain gives it up as well, there is no captain in the team
Apostle #4: how many imps per knot are we losing?
Apostle #1 (to Apostle #6): you bastard
Apostle #7: i just want to know what happened to the captain
Apostle #2: lol
Apostle #4: the captain went down with the friggin ship
G: any bid is a single bid that never asks the other team member for any answer or anything
Apostle #7: i mean… it’s like he disappeared
G: this answers your question?
Apostle #4: the captain is a friggin troll
Apostle #2: sorry folks, didn’t mean to start a rant
Apostle #1: pittttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyy
Apostle #1: sayyyyy yesssssssssss
Apostle #6: thank you
Apostle #7: oh where oh where has my captain gone…
Apostle #8: is he being serious?
Apostle #7: oh where oh where can he be???
Apostle #3 (to Apostle #2): make me a favour
Apostle #2: sure
Apostle #3: ask gee who is the captain
G: buy my e-book “Bridge Is a Conversation” to get all the detail on this
Apostle #2: LOLOL
Apostle #1: i cant stop laughinggggggggggggggggggg
Apostle #9: azzzzzzzz
Apostle #3: his book OMG
Apostle #10: what did u do?
Apostle #11: no ask… if aaron is the captain??
G: thank you all for listening hope that clears a few points
Apostle #4: he will go into a frenzy
Apostle #12: everybody should immediately promise to buy the book
G: seeya

Sep 212002

Dear Dr. Robert:

Playing with Gerard, I recently recorded a plus result over twenty hands. Does this mean that God loves me?

–Mystified in Missoula

Dear Misty,

Yes. Yes it does. I am inspired to compose a hymn to the occasion:

Blessed be he
Who plays with Gee;
Who takes the fall
To amuse us all.
You won! You won!
Enough, be done!
Don’t run amok
And press your luck.

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