Bones-Gee Smackdown!

Both Vul
IMPs
Dealer: South
Lead: 3

	justinl K Q 9 5 4 3 2 Q 7 4 2 — 10 8
O_Bones 6 K J 9 6 3 4 3 2 A K Q 9		misu J 10 8 7 A 10 5 A J 9 7 6 3
	Maestro A 8 K Q 10 8 5 J 7 6 5 4 2

West 1 Pass Pass

North 3 Pass Pass

East 4 Dbl

South Pass 4 Pass

Is he banned or isn’t he? Apparently O_Bones had (I use the past tense advisedly) a special exemption to join Gee’s table, provided he opposed him, of which he and Misu took advantage last night for a short but exciting grudge match against Gee and notorious Texas juvenile Justin Lall.

The first four hands were uneventful; and then this was dealt. Bones opens a perfectly sound 1H, and Justin makes a frisky but defensible vulnerable overcall of 3S. Misu makes the obvious raise to 4H. Now to Gee. He has a stiff spade A, indicating that the opponents may well have two spade losers. His diamonds figure to be worth no more than a trick on offense, with no entries save the spade, and worth that same trick on defense. His stiff heart indicates that trump may break badly for the opposition, yet he has no ruffing value. He adds all this up and comes to the obvious conclusion: bid the spade game. This is passed around to Misu, who has three defensive tricks opposite an opening hand and doubles. “Bones Principle,” types Bones to the specs, but this is perhaps not a classical application. If Misu had, say, 1/2 a defensive trick, and doubled anyway, then the Bones Principle would more properly apply.

Misu opens his stiff club and Justin surveys the dummy with, one surmises, some disappointment. “Interesting,” he remarks diplomatically. Bones wins the first two rounds of clubs with the queen and ace, Misu sluffing a low diamond on the second round, and makes the crucial error of shifting the H3. Misu is forced to win the H10, and two subsequent rounds of hearts set up Justin’s queen. He winds up down 800 instead of the 1100 the defense could have had if Bones had returned the HJ or H9.

“Sorry, missed stix & wheels,” says Bones to his partner after the hand, which is perhaps, just after beating the opponents for 7 IMPs, not in the best possible taste. The following colloquy ensues:

G: ugh bones… was unexpected that my partner made a pre-emptive overcall with 7 and a 4-card suit
misu: actually 8card suit wasn’t it?
misu: oh no 7
G: no enough of that BS, bones
G: I don’t take it lightly
O_Bones: what?
G: insulting me will not get you anywhere
misu: huh?
justinl: stix and wheels is a common term… don’t think he was badmouthing you G
O_Bones: what you chirping about now gee?
O_Bones has been disconnected.
justinl: i say it all the time
misu: gee what’s wrong?
misu: he should have returned the heart 9 and we would have got 1100
misu: that’s all he meant
O_Bones has joined the table.
O_Bones: correct
justinl: G, really don’t think it was meant as an insult, he could have beaten me 1100
G: no, that’s not all he meant
O_Bones: apologised to my pard for my weak defense
G: he meant he would have had something to add to aaron’s website to demonstrate how ridicule [sic] I am
O_Bones: we got only 8 BONES instead of stix & wheels, due to my defensive slip
G: end of the game all
justinl: let’s just give bones the benefit of the doubt and move on please, ok?
G: sorry justin
G: bye
justinl: bye

Fair-minded person that I am, I propose a compromise: I publish the hand on my site anyway, but without the customary Sticks & Wheels logo. Is everyone OK with that?