Dear Dr. Robert:

What was up with the three-month holiday? Don’t you keep office hours?

—WTF

Dear What,

It feels good to be back! I’ve gotten dozens of letters like yours, so let’s get down to it. I was undercover on a highly dangerous research expedition. My goal, as ever, was to find out all I can about Gerard so that I could better deliver to you and your brethren, all the Ben Dublins and Ivana Specgees out there, the information that you want — that you need — to know! I can’t go into too many details, but intelligence-gathering is a risky business. I hacked my way through dense jungles eluding desperadoes, and dodging bullets in Gee-spec daily, all for your edification. The results have been spectacular; my knowledge of the man and his methods has increased to a degree that not even I thought possible.

Start reading my columns regularly for the latest in:

• Bones doubles, and their applications and corrolaries.
• All Gee’s favorite conventions, such as Gerber, unusual notrump, and unusual unusual notrump.
• Captain/Crew/First-Mate/Deck-Swabbing theory.
• Partnership bridge: Gerard style!
• Moles at Gerard’s tables. Who are they? How should they be punished?
• What is Aaron up to these days?
• The man himself. What makes Gerard tick?

So let’s get those questions coming in! Nothing is too difficult, too controversial, or too embarrassing: all questions will be answered! Remember to keep reading, because it’s hard to mock an idiot if you’re one yourself. So to you dear reader, I wish a good night and a pleasant tomorrow.