Dear Doc Bobby,

Why is it that Gee attracts a hundred spectators when playing with and against left feet, while I play against Garozzo and attract less?

–H.E., North Milwaukee, WI

Dear Harmonizer,

Your everyday OKBridge spectator is a fickle mistress, regularly succumbing to instant gratification at the expense of long-term improvement. He’s always thinking, “I can watch Garozzo and learn stuff any time, but I might miss a stix and wheels classic if I leave Gerard’s table!”

Fortunately I have the answer, which is why I’m writing the column and you’re asking the questions. Gerard and Garozzo must form a partnership! Consider the advantages of a double-G pairing. The additional spectators are only the beginning. Gee’s expertise in exotic systems makes him the perfect partner to play Garozzo’s Blue Team Club. And since Garozzo is eligible to represent the United States in international competition, we Americans could just sit back and watch the world championships come rolling in. Shouldn’t this partnership to rival “Meckwell” have happened already? The mere thought of it makes me proud to be an American, even if I’m not licensed to practice here.